On June 15th I suffered a miscarriage. Although I didn't know I was pregnant, it was very heartbreaking and it was also very physically taxing. After 3 days of pretty intense pain, I began to come out of the mental fog and God used that time to really open my eyes. I saw the problems in my marriage, in the way that my kids were being treated and raised, in my house, in our finances, and in my health. I resolved to make changes. At first, I thought I could single-handedly make these changes and repair everything myself. Within a few days I realized that was not going to work, especially when other people had no incentive to change.
Almost a week after the miscarriage, I asked my husband to leave. It was a very hard decision to make but one that really has lifted me out of a lot of the dregs I was bogged down in. Since then has been the hardest time of my whole life: I have realized the extent of the damage done to our kids, I have opened my eyes to the actual state of our house, I have been blindsided with the amount of money we are behind in paying bills and what we owe, and I have realized how very messed up our relationship was.
Everyday is a struggle. I don't know how many times I have told myself say, "I can't do this." My friends have kept me up, kept me going... they believe in me. My kids (especially the oldest two) do the same. They are all my cheerleaders. My faith helps me. I know that God did not want us living that way and specifically did not want me living that way. I know He has better plans.
I am reborn. I am rising up. I am hating every second of it. I am loving every win. This is my story.
